why am i just a girl?

hello! i guess its been awhile since my last blog... heheh... oh well lets get started with my rants as usual...

i'm a girl.. duh! but sometimes i wonder why am i a girl... i know its God's will and i was also the one who agreed to be born as a girl in this world... but sometimes i wonder why am i a girl?? what makes me agree to be born as a girl and not a boy?? why?? you see as a girl.. no matter how tough you may be or look or act... no matter what u do you will always have that soft heart... you will always have that soft spot for that one jerk... no matter how rough i act or how ignorant i am... with just one HELLO from him i will transform from a rock into a flower that is easily wilt n crushed! sometimes i wish i have the heart of a guy... so instead of me being used by them.. i would be the one using them instead.... wouldnt it be fair? well i guess not...

*sighs~*

i really hope i could not think about him anymore... just forget bout him... but somehow i just cant... why? why? why?? he's nothing.. he's not rich... handsome or hot... and plus he has a gilrfriend! then why? why he does all this things to me?? why would he make me fall for him.. he knows i love him... he knows i care... but that doesnt mean he could just use my love n care for him anytime he needs some....

*sighs~*

i really really want to know who am i to him? what am i to him? he may think that he what he does to me right now is nothing.... he could be just playing around using me... he could just treats me just like one of his sisters... but i dont think that way!!!! no matter how i try to fool myself that i'm just like a sister to him i just can't fool myself to that extend... i am still this girl... a stranger whom he met and be friended years ago...... no matter how hard i tell myself that he's just using me and taking me for granted... no matter how i forced myself to forget about him... no matter how much i try not to think about him.... with a single "Hai... how are you dear?~" he will always always wins! my heart... no matter how much i try not to melt.. no matter how hard trained it to be tough... it always melt.... just with those simple words.... DAMN!

now i feel like crying my heart out... why am i just a girl??!

*sighs~*

p/s: i know this may seems like nothing to any of you out there... but its just my rants... if u read all of this then thank you for your time reading my crappy blog... for those who thinks that i should worry over all those world problems.. well i do... i'm just not in the mood to rant any of it! ;p

life:studies:jobs:moeny:success

now.. first and foremost.. i would like to say happy 2012!! as you can see it's been a whole year since i last blogged.. didn't even blog a thing in 2011 at all! amazing huh! well i guess it was all twitter's fault and a part of tumblr's fault too...hee~ ;) well.. now that i've greeted the year in my blog lets get started with the title now shall we? =)

as you can see.. the topics in my title are somewhat related to each other.. according to my life.. i'm not sure how your life is like.. but this is how mine goes...

well it all started with life.. life as i know it is when we ware invented... we were once a two single cell organism combined into one.. wait! is a sperm and an ovum a single cell organism? oh well.. correct me if i'm wrong.. thank you~... and as the the process of becoming and embryo and then turn into a fetus.. then God the Almighty gave us a thing called Soul... and with that our soul developed through time where we also gain some feelings which i think is when we kicked and punched and spin around in our mummy's tummy... (now thinking back.. how awesome was that! i bet you'll never experienced that in real life again!) and a thing called personal traits where we get from both of our parents genetic... and so the right moment came and we were born and thus our life began on that very second... we started to breathe the first oxygen gas in our life and we cried for the first time then too... and as we grew we develop more things such as feelings, emotions, physical attraction and in my case a little big thing called FAT! ha ha ha! we are now what people always say the sons and daughters of Adam and Eve or should i say great great great great great and more great sons and daughters... ;) and then trough life we started to learn about things in which i love to call studies!

studies for me is a thing that i've been doing literally since i was born.. now why do i say that? well.. after months of being at home mom is going back to work.. but wait! who is going to take care of me then? i was only a few months old! oh no! well fret not my solder sister (well actually she's like a foster sister) she worked at a nursery/child care and so since both of my biological sister were also there to study kindy stuff... i was also being brought there just so that my foster sister would be able to take care of me.. so i could proudly say that i've been in school for my whole 23 years of living! now try and beat that! ha ha ha! well.. after the childcare then there's the kindergarten stuff... and after kindy there's primary school and secondary school then there's university... so total up all of my life i've been studying in a school for a total of 22 years! from there i discovered that i hate political history, i love english, maths, art, literature and science... and i also discover that i love to talk, sing and dance.. but then i'm not so good at it... i met new people and they became friends... some became close friends in ways you just cannot imagine and some are just friends where we still keep in touch.. thanks to a social network which is famously known as Facebook!... you could say that some love me, some need me, some i need more then they need me, some just used me, and some hates me.. well i guess no one can ever avoid being hate by someone i guess... hmmm... =/ from going to schools and a university i learned on how to cope with everyone with all types of personality... and when i mean all i really do mean all! especially the GIRLS! i tell you.. girls can be such a pain to be friends with... some back stabs you.. some gossips about you.. some just adores you so that they can use you and so much more! don't get me wrong i don't hate them... but somehow amazingly i could tolerate with all those nonsense and gets along with everyone... well different person have a different approach.. and i think that if there is someone out there been observing all of my moves i think he/she will know that my personality is different with each and everyone of the people i've met! but trust me.. i am being myself most of the time.. as much as i could with everyone! don't hate me now~ 0=) anyway, with studies i gain more knowledge and experience in life... and my motto have always been

"study for life not study for exams"

... so far in my school life i have never actually studied fully for my exams.. i guess that explains why my result was not up to standards.. but in the end i was able to further my studies in universities... it was a local U but who cares! then after finished my diploma of three years.. i realised that i have been wasting my time by doing something that i don't even like.... i had fun in Uni but just not the study part... well like what people say : what past is past.. so then i decided to take something that is not more than a hobby to me for my degree... but it took me a while to discovers that it is just not the kind of thing for me to study.. as you know.. people of my intelligence learned fast.. and things are getting bored for me during that time as the things that i studied was the things that i've known way before i entered my degree class... then what did i do? i called it quits.. oh well.. went back home.. took a break for a few months... get over with mt diploma graduation day and then.. the big things in life happens... i've got a job! yippie right? but not for me...

well as for jobs.. i've worked for a while before i entered my uni life... but then it was such a different job.. i worked as a kindy teacher for a few month before i entered uni life and i've had my practical for five months in my fifth semester of my studies... but the job that i got after graduation was an interior designer job.. wow! i think that is the expression of people when i told them what i was working as... well as excited as others are about my jobs i was not... i never like designs when i studied it so why would i be interested in the job? well.. it was my parents who kept on asking and asking and asking and asking me to worked as and ID.. well at least for a few month.. that's what they said.. but i know deep down they wanted me to just stick with the job until i'm old, married and lived with 15 children! well that's a bit exaggerating.. ha ha ha... but then knowing me.. i will never make my self stuck with that job.. so i went on job hunting online... actually there are some things that's going on in the company that makes me wanna move out... but i have no rights to tell it in here... so shhhh~ then after exactly 5 months and a half i moved to another company... also an interior design company but with a slightly bigger pay of only RM 200 difference than the previous one.... but life as we know it is unexpected.. at the new company i spent more time online with facebooking, twittering, and downloading songs and korean drama... then i realised that i was used to being in a hectic working environment before and so such free time makes me feel bored while working.. and sales was slow as the new company price was much higher than the previous company.. so i decided to left the company and took a break instead... well life was kind of a blur when i was working for both ID company for i spent almost 70% of my life at the office and thinking bout my work both designing and worrying about my clients like and dislike... and home was only a place for me to sleep and bath before i start another day working... that was what my life's all about at that time... work and client... and my brother always told me this "you are always working even on weekends! all you do is work and i barely even met you at home! you're so boring now~".... so then i realised that i have totally lost my life... so what was my break you're wondering? well it was me working as a kindergarten teacher.. again! at the same kindy i taught before only at a different branch.. well the pay was not much but it was okay i guess?... i spent most of my time wondering what i should do... should i further my study and get that degree? or should i just work for another few more years and then think about studies... as i started working at the kindy life was gradually coming back again... i was able to spent more time with my family and i know what was going on around the house... lets just say that i am back being a busy body again~ ;) during the time i worked as a kindy teacher i fell in love with the job.. i fell in love with the children and everything that i do there... but then i have also decided that i wanna continue my studies starting in that year too.. and this was the year 2011.... work was full of action at the kindy... a non-stop working action.. the only break would be the lunch break...so as i started my part time studies i realised that i cant focus on my studies and at that moment for me studying was much more important than work.. so i decided to stop... i miss the children of course! but i do not want to flunk my studies since i haven't get the hang of things... so then i quit yet another job... (just so you know i have never been on bad terms with anyone at any of the place that i've been working.. even with my bos.. ) but now after a while of studying i've got the hang of things.. and i think that i can juggle both work and study at the same time... so what do i do?? i started to hunt down jobs again.. but for now... its been 3 months since and i still have no luck..

well now.. here i am.. 23 years of living going to be 24 this year and i've been unemployed for 3 months which feels like a whole year for me and still searching for jobs.. part tie or full time... and i have money issues... why? coz i'm not working so i don't earn any money anymore! ha ha ha! thank God i'm still staying with my parents.. but i do feel guilty sometime whenever i asked for some money from them.. he he he... oh well... don't fret mom and dad! i will be successful one day and i'll repay every ringgit and every cent that i owe you when the day comes! ;)

p/s: do you think that my blog has no point? well.. they never do! =D

Appreciation.. ^^

Story of Appreciation

One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. 

He passed the first interview, the director did the last interview, made the last decision. 

The director discovered from the CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never had a year when he did not score. 

The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?" the youth answered "none". 

The director asked, " Was it your father who paid for your school fees?" The youth answered, "My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees. 

The director asked, " Where did your mother work?" The youth answered, "My mother worked as clothes cleaner. The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect. 

The director asked, " Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?" The youth answered, "Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me. 

The director said, "I have a request. When you go back today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.* 

The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the kid. 

The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water. 

This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fee. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future. 

After finishing the cleaning of his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother. 

That night, mother and son talked for a very long time. 

Next morning, the youth went to the director's office. 

The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, asked: " Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?" 

The youth answered, " I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes' 

The Director asked, " please tell me your feelings." 

The youth said,

No. 1, I know now what is appreciation. Without my mother, there would not the successful me today.

No. 2, by working together and helping my mother, only I now realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done.

No. 3, I have come to appreciate the importance and value of family relationship. 

The director said, " This is what I am looking for to be my manager. 

I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life. You are hired. 

Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously. 

A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop "entitlement mentality" and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of achievement. He will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying the kid instead?* 

You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your kid learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done.

: another story i've received in my mail..  =)

why burn the Quran? just something to share~ ^^

ON  BURNING  OF  QURAN 

Who is burning the Quran? A Christian priest? Ask a question, if I write the name of Jesus Christ on a piece of paper 29 times and give it to him to burn it, will he burn it? If I write the name of Moses on a piece of paper and give it to a Jew, will he burn it? What they intend to burn is the same.

In the Quran the name of Jesus Christ is mentioned with great Honour 29 times and the name of Moses with dignity 129 times, while the name of Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon all of them) is mentioned just 4 times. In addition all the 24 prophets mentioned in the Quran are there in the Bible. Make them aware that they are burning the names of Jesus Christ, Moses and all 24 prophets.

The problem is none of them have ever cared to read the Quran. My request to them is to read the Quran’s translation in their own language (easily available free in mosques and in Islamic Centers) and then decide whether burning the Quran is justified or not.

I may assure them that they will highly regret in their lives when at a later date they read it. All the allegations of immorality on Mother Mary, Jesus Christ and other prophets mentioned in different books have been very neatly refuted in the Quran. Mother Mary has been given the highest Honour amongst all the women of the World.

Read it you will be enlightened. Birth of Moses and his marriage has been described in the most respectful manner. Not a single derogatory word has been used in the Quran for any of the prophets those mentioned in the Bible.

Why burn the Quran? Burn those books in which baseless allegations have been put on many of the prophets of God. That will be fully justified.

Once you read its translation, you will be convinced that Quran is the best book on earth, every word is of God, the God of Adam, Abraham, Moses and Jesus (peace be upon them all). Not a single word has changed in 1431 years. It is in its original,   pristine form preserved in Turkey and in Leningrad . 

It is totally a wrong concept that it was written by the prophet Muhammad (pbuh). How can a person who did not know how to read anything or write, can write a book of over 600 pages without any mistake, describing the advance theory of science and space? He could not even put his signature on the letters which he sent to the heads of states, he used to stamp them with a seal of his name. Moreover the Quran is in the highest literary form of Arabic language, which he did not speak; he used to speak colloquial Arabic.

How can Quran be considered man made; a book which describes intricate embryological development of a fetus, space science, complicated oceanography and in over 1400 years no one has found any contradiction or any mistake? Every word of the Quran is the word of God, the same God of Adam, Abraham Moses and Jesus Christ. How can anyone even think of burning the words of your own God? 

What is radical about Islam or the teachings of the Quran? Without reading it you call it radical!

Bring a single copy of the Bible which is in its original form. What amount of changes is made in the Bible by men to the words of God? Who gave them the authority in the very first place to change the words of God, revise and re-revise the Bible? But still we do not call it radical. We also have appeal to the Muslims of the whole world don’t even think of burning a single copy of the Bible in retaliation because the Bible has the names of our 24 prophets whom all we respect from the core of our hearts. 

Coming down to the most crucial point of 9/11: The allegation is again on the Muslim, so they decided to burn the Quran, stop building an Islamic Center in Manhattan near Ground Zero. Have a look at the documentaries made on the truth of 9/11. These documentaries are proved without the shadow of doubt there in the scenario of 9/11 in the year 2001, no Muslim was involved. In one of the documentary it said loud and clear  that no Muslim is involved in 9/11.

Amazing, all the documentaries and films are made by Americans and that too Christians. Go through each and every documentary on U-Tube, you will be amazed, who did it - you have to decide yourself of course not any Muslim?  The preparation was done three months before 9/11. If anyone considers these documentaries are not authentic, why can’t they take the producers to the courts and involve FBI to investigate how dare they can make such movie which has tarnished the image of America all over the world and the whole world had sunk in deep recession shattering the economy of all the countries.

What benefit they achieved by doing so? Thousands of Americans were killed and even are being killed today. Trillions of Dollars have burnt in smoke, millions of innocent people were killed and other multimillions suffered. Why don’t these preachers of peace go after them who did it? Why Muslims and why Quran? 

: got this from an email sent to me.. =)

MY opinion on ....

after i went out with me mates this evening i was inspired to:

1) update my blog

2) came up a topic to share on my blog..

hahah!! it's been a while since my last post... and just today i was being presented with a business proposal about e-education or like what they named it 'webucation' [erma jgn kecik hati ya~ this is only my opinion.. heheh! ^^]  


okay the thing is.. those online education is good.. not that i'm against it.. but for it to be the main method of studying for me is not a good idea.. i mean what happens to the good old fashion way of studying? where it teaches you about hard work and at the same time you learned about the things that you're studying.. this brings me to this: nowadays people are trying hard to make their children smart in education... like in maths or science and stuff.. don't they know that this gives the children stress.. can you imagine a 6 year old  already have stress? isn't it to much for a child? aren't you supposed to start gaining stress when you are like at the end of your teens??

being smart is good.. its a gift.. you use it well you get success.. you don't use it its your lost. but not all people are being born smart.. where this kind of people needs to study hard to achieve their goal.. without hard work they will be a nobody with nothing in their future even if they're born in a rich family.

but i found that forcing your child to score A in every exams on every subject is ridiculous! YES! to me it is.. you see no matter how many A's your child get in an exam doesn't mean they'll ace in life. and here i thought that we study for your life. i have been living with that in my mind.. no matter what you get in your exams does nothing to your life.. yes you can get into the college that you wanted.. yes you'll be look up to by the people around you and yes you'll have a good record in your studies and so on.. like i said not all people are born smart.. so they will be a portion of people out there who scored all this by just memorising all the things that they need to remember for them to answer the questions given in the examinations. where this will make them end up just memorising the facts where they should actually understand the facts. (okay somehow i'm lost here.. hahah! =D)

i have observes students out there (where ever it is i end up studying ;p) most of them who got good grades in school doesn't get good grades while in university and some doesn't do well while they had started their working life.. why? this is what i think the reason is : usually those Ace student nowadays are to preoccupied with their studies that they end up having 'cultural shcok' when they're in the outside life. emotionally, psychically and mentally. why? because what you study in school doesn't teach you what life outside of school is all about.

(okay lari dari my main purpose here, haha!)

now back to what i wanted to say.. what i wanted to say was.. what happen to 'study for life'? study for your future.. nowadays all i see is parents trying their hard to earned money to get their children to enrolled into some prestige school somewhere, where they actually teach the same subject like in any other schools.what difference does it make? okay they may use a different approach.. but some other kids from some normal government school could do better than those kids from the prestige school anyway~ so why the fuss? i see that most parents is working their ass up just to make sure that their child wont live a hard life like what they have been through or so,.. i think~ ^^ and this is making the kids getting used to being 'spoon feed' that they forgot what 'hard work' is all about and how important it really is in life. they will be expecting everything to be spoon fed to them 'coz thats what they have been growing up to all those years. of course there's the saying "you are never to late to study" but to me this saying doesn't apply to 'hard work'. to me hard work is something you develop when you were a child while you are in a process of learning regardless on what's the subject.

anyway, i have been hearing people keep on saying that kids should not be pressure with studies and all this shit.. but why do i still see people are still forcing their kids to be smart/clever. i mean what ever happens to leave the child be? let them decide what they want to be? all i see now is that the children is living up their parents dream.. the dream that they once upon a time wish they could get.

(i'm getting of course again..ah! who cares! ^^)

well to me just support what the child is interested in and not forcing them to be what they're not is what we're supposed to do.. but hen again who am i to say all this? who is going to listen and respond to me? i'm just a nobody in this world.. well i'm a nobody for now.. ^^

well i'm having the so-called writer's block.. hah! somehow i have forgotten what more i wanted to say .. so i'll stop for now~  till next time. ;)

mai's birthday!

it's ur birthday! 

thank GOD you were born on this date in the year 1987.. 

though you're one year older than me

but to me you are the same age as me! 

hoho!!

[bangga lerr awak muda lagi!~ ]

i dont know what would i become if you weren't there for me

when i need you..

sorry for bothering you with my whining! ahahah!!

u're my place to 'ngerepak' about others :)

hehehe..

you will always be my partner in crime!

crime yg sik crime enough!

ahahah!! >w<

you know i love you! 

anyway again..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

^_^

p/s: i have your present p sik tauk bila mok merik! ahahahahah!!!! btw.. if this sucks i'm sorry!! hhohoho!!! ^^

 

what happens when my brain thinks too much.. ^_^

the reason for my blog this this time at this hour [5.10 a.m] is because that i couldn't sleep.. at all.. i've been having insomnia this past few days.. and what causes this to happen? it was simply because i was thinking of too many things in my life lately.. 

maybe it is because the thought of someone my age or even younger can be successful in what they love to do makes me anxious to just sit and do nothing.. [nothing = to just enjoy my time before i went on a job hunt -which in my case i was recently eager to work in a restaurant-based field] <-- that was when i decided before i have all this thoughts.. 

i think my problem is that i'm the type of person you just cant rushed to make a decision.. especially when it involved my future and me in it.. i have conclude that:

• i am the kind of person who just love working.. no matter what kind of work it is.. i just realised this now.. this is because the thought of me doing some works that need to be submitted to someone that is important [or so] makes me excited.. some how.. heheheh..[except for house work. hahahah!! maybe because i'm living with my parents.. huhuhuuu~ ^^]
• i hate studying! especially when i am being forced too.. like school and such.. its like i have to study not because i want to its because i have to.. but studying on my own will i like.. its because i want to.. get the point?

so what i wanna say is that me hating interior designing is not true.. NOT TRUE! i somewhat like it.. heck its like what i have been thinking about my whole life.. now that i realised it.. everywhere i go all i think about is design.. of course when i was a kid i didn't know what was i thinking... but DESIGN is the only thing that i thought about alot... so i've decided to just work in an interior design firm for a few years.. to gain my knowledge and what not.. in the same time i could study about business and restaurants/culinary by myself.. there's alot of self study books sells out there in the world.. so since i am a smart kid i know i can juggle all this together in a few years preparing myself  for my future which is what i really want to do in life.. which is:

• to open a coffee house.. >w
• to manage an interior design firm.. with my friends as a partner of course! 
• maybe, open a boutique shop. with the style that i like.. hihi..
• and last TRAVELLING!!!! 

wish me all the best! and success in my future! i know i will work my ass up for it! hohOHOHO!

this is all thanks to me being on my so-called holiday i guess.. my head was too wrapped up with me avoiding to continue my studies in interior design which my parents keep on insisting me.. and taking a wrong turn here and there.. and i was being rushed to make decisions right after whatever that's happening to me that it makes me or my head to be exact be in a very complicated situations that i cant think things clearly.. like i said before  i am the type of person who cant be rushed to make a decisions.. i think too much.. and i cant avoid that habit of mine.. i think about things too much and into every details that i cant make such decision in such short short time.. forgive me... but that is just the habit that i myself cant throw it away.. its how i am.. i cant change that part of me.. so here i hope that whoever involves in this understands me now..now that i understands myself a bit more.... 

i guess my parents will be like "i thought that you hate id.. blah blah blah.." and so on.. but what can i do.. i was being pushed and rushed.. i can think well.. *sighs* 

now that this is out of my chest.. i could go on a job hunting easily..[ not that getting a job is easy.. heheh.. i mean my mind here is at ease.. :)]  no wonder i was having this feeling of "teragak agak" when i was just browsing through the jobs section in the papers.. i was considering about everything... i was making too many excuses to avoid me applying for jobs as a kitchen helper...heheheh.. :) 

i guess all i need was just a break from everything and i do mean EVERYTHING for a while just to get my head straight..  ^w^