i'm a person with loads of interest.

i cant sleep...

i thought that when i've done my decision on what i want to do a.k.a my future planning i would be more at ease... but my thought was wrong.

i told my mum that i wanted to work as a kitchen helper (full time for now.. and part time when i'm studying later) and further my study in business management. because my aim or my goal is to open a restaurant.. a coffee house to be exact... and if my luck is good and everything goes well i could open an interior design firm.. well atleast that my diploma wont go to waste..but she just like why?  =_="

they keep on pushing me to work in and ID firm and what not.. or me being a teacher since they say that i was so into teaching.. which i'm not.. i like teaching.. but i'm not really serious in that.. it was just a 'the moment kind of thing.. i'm a person with many interest for God sakes.. so it is not easy for me to decide things especially when i'm being pushed to make one. damn!

i have been telling them (everyone that i know of) that i will WILL someday open a coffee shop.. but what did my parents say? they just like take it lightly and as usual take it as if i was joking.. like i always joke around? i dont know why.. no matter how serious i am with them they still takes me jokingly.. they never consider my need and wants seriously...

*sighs* i'm depress some how.. i dont know why.. my dd keep pushing me to apply jobs online.. jobs like as in me working in an office/co. i have been telling them that i dont want that kind of jobs.. let alone me working in an interior design firm.. i hate interior design.. dont get me wrong..i like to design but to work as a designer? no thanks!

what is wrong with working as  kitchen helper anyway? its not like i'm working as a begger... 

i dont know.. my mind is in a knot. i cant think straight.. keep on having migrains which i hate.. i just dont know what else i should do..

i know they are worried untill they are looking for jobs for me through their connection but that is not what i wanted.. i dont want that one day when everything goes wrong by the end of the day i go and blame them for everything... and its their fault that i'm going through things... i dont want them to make the desicion for me... its MY future.. MY life.. let me make that decision for MYself! and let me blame it on my own for my mistake.. all i need is that they support me in no matter what i do in my life.. NOT supporting me by doing things for me... if i need their help i will ask for if.. and if i dont then that means that i can handle things on my own...

gah! i told them i wanted to do.. and now its up to them to agree or not.. but i will never do things their way anymore.. if they dont agree i will find a way to make them agree..

but... i have one problem.. it is hard for me to talk to my parents... wht should i do??? =.=?

p/s: anyone wants to hire me as a kitchen helper??? ehehe! ^^